Lara, let's put the past behind us.

I miss playing Tomb Raider.

Many moons ago, I dedicated several months to clocking Tomb Raider 2. I fought wild animals and swam through the canals of Venice. I traversed the Great Wall of China and explored sunken ships. I was happy, and as I got closer to the end of the game, I felt an impending sensation of unbridled joy and accomplishment.

Then one day, I came home from college and found a letter from my sister on my bed. Strange, I thought. We live together so why would she need to write me a letter?

I unfolded the paper, unaware of the tragedy that was about to befall me.

Dear Josey, it began. I'm sorry to tell you this in a letter, but I am scared to tell you to your face. When you were at college, I turned on the PlayStation to play Abe's Oddysse. I broke through to a new level at last, and I saved the game on your memory stick. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I accidentally saved it over your Tomb Raider memory slot. Since then I have gone crazy trying to undo what I have done. But I know this will be little comfort to you. I am sorry.

Reader, I was devastated. And Abe's fucking Oddysee of all games. A stupid annoying little gimp running around on some fucking industrial pipes for twenty levels. Surely the shittest Sony release of the twentieth century.

I was so devastated that I couldn't talk to my sister for two weeks and she had to send me another letter asking if I would be her friend again.

While my relationship with my sister was salvaged, I found it so hard to go back to Lara Croft. All that hard work just gone. I couldn't go back. I couldn't have my heart broken again.

Now, as I sit here in my rocking chair, barely able to recognise my shrivelled face in the looking glass, I find that I miss Lara so very much.

I miss her determination, her guts. I miss her arsenal of weapons, her dazzling flares lighting up the midnight sky. I miss the way she kind of grunts when she climbs up a wall, the way she dies when I purposely drown her. I don't miss her ridiculously oversized tits and I don't miss her annoying fuckwit butler that follows her everywhere like a zombified cunt but if you balance out the things I miss and the things I don't miss then I think the final result is still a miss.

Lara was my friend.

No, reader, Lara IS my friend. She is my friend.