I have found a cure for AIDS, cancer, swine flu, grievous bodily harm, poverty, global warming etc etc!

When it was really icy last week, I slipped and fell HARD in the middle of the road because some driver decided to speed up, and then, instead of checking if I was okay since I was, you know, just lying there HALF DEAD, s/he just drove around me like I was a piece of shit. Which was nice.

The ice may now have thawed but my leg is still bruised and hurting. Having consulted with my wise St. Lucia family, the following cures were suggested:

Have a hot bath
Have a hot bath and put some salt on it
Rub some Vicks into it
Rub some Vicks and rum into it
Rub some Vicks into it and drink the rum
Crush some tumeric and rub it in
Crush some tumeric, add Vicks and rub it all in

In other, words, all hail the mighty power of VICKS VAPORUB!

Seriously, someone PLEASE get in touch with the world's top scientists! Those cats been looking for a cure for all these diseases and the cure's been under their noses the whole time. LITERALLY!